COCOON

3:03:00 AM

Everyone has their safe place. I had mine.

For me, it was family, not by blood, but the family I had chosen for myself. It was going to be my present and my future. Imagine my bewilderment when I woke up one day and my safe place wasn't safe anymore.

But things like this happen all the time. We create cocoons for ourselves. But instead of being places of transformation, they become places of stagnation. They are places that allow us to run away from change.

It's strange how these thoughts have been slowly seeping into my mind. Into my dreams. I was so light before, so proud of myself for being able to leave my cocoon.
I guess I imagined I was a butterfly; but as beautiful as freedom is, it's dangerous, and butterfly wings are fragile.

It's hard not to look back and remember how wonderful it was to be safe and loved. It's hard not to feel like I made a mistake in leaving. But deep down, even in my dreams, I know I can't be safe anymore, or maybe I was never safe?

I wake up. And the consequences of the choices I made fall on me all over again. I feel loss. I feel guilt. I feel the terror of having to live another day of life where so many things are so uncertain. Feel the dread of having to be courageously alone. Feel the slip of my steely resolve to be independent. I wake up feeling so tired.

But I wake up.