So, you might have noticed a change in the blog... this may or may not come out coherently...

I went through a strange thought process of learning to try and express my thoughts and the most recent events and confusions in my life. I've been struggling with my identity for a while, always defining myself in relation to others. But over a short span of 2 weeks my life changed astronomically... or at least it did in my head.

I learned that I can love unconditionally, I also learned that I often love very conditionally.
I learned that the scars in my mind are only there because I keep them there.
I learned that God will answer prayers, you just have to know what to ask Him for.

I said goodbye to a relationship of 3 years, the only romantic relationship I've ever been in, as well as the future I thought it would lead to.

I am learning to be myself, alone, just me. Whoever I may be. Unaffected by anyone or anything else.
I'm learning to accept the right that God gave me to create, and call myself a creator.
I'm learning to not be afraid of expressing myself and the things that I truly enjoy.

And so... this blog is something that I'm truly passionate about. I know this because I usually can't ever keep up with anything for this long of a time period. And the fact that I keep coming back and posting on this blog really means A LOT.

But I realized that it wasn't really true to my expression and who I am right now as... ME

A SICKLY EATER is sort of how I see myself... both literally and metaphorically. It's my crime and my conviction. I went through a period of time where I was so lost and so afraid of everything. And for some reason, food was how I would deal with it. I would always be eating, always feeding myself, always feeling sick but never stopping. I was trying to fill myself up, but it was like stuffing a scarecrow full of straw.

I feel like we often do things like that, not just with food, but with anything. We fill voids with useless things without substance, like strange creatures always consuming but never feeling full.

But there's a sort of humor in it, being a sickly eater, like No Face in Spirited Away? Because, I think, in reality we're all sickly eaters. And we're all trying to find the things that fill us up.

For me, it's the empathy and sharing of perspectives that comes with the creation of art. It makes me full. This blog is as much my creation and my art piece as any of my paintings or sculptures, it's the documentation of my life and my own search for what makes me, me.

It's my homing beacon, from one SICKLY EATER to all others. Hi, we're not alone.